We leave in 4.5 hours. But to think of all that has to get done including 2 dr appts, packing snacks and our carry on, taking all the pictures off the camera, and cleaning up the apt a bit because I absolutely HATE coming home from vacation to a messy apartment.
Here we gooooo!
p.s. we will try to post a few pictures now and then at internet cafes, but i am not promising anything...you'll just have to wait until we get back in 2 weeks.
Our little Sugar turns 2 today! She has grown up so much in the last year. I've been watching home videos of her from a year ago and am amazed. To celebrate we had pink pancakes with pink M&M's inside and pink sugar sparkles on top, and pink strawberry milk.
P.S. She slept in that raincoat and pajammy get up the whole night.
I really can't believe it has been two years since her NICU days. I wanted to show a really cool picture of her birth here, but understand that some of you may be squeemish and may not want to see my surgery.
A few moments after being born:
On the way home from the hospital 5 days later (note you can't tell, but she is wearing purple - hint of the days I did not want, or rather insisted, pink not be her only color):
My little sugar, still a newborn:
Last year at the Ladybug's 1 year old birthday party:
About Helen at age two:
She loves pink everything (although I tried to expose her to all colors, she is definitely a girl and loves all things pink.)
She loves to dress up.
She loves all things princess (I was even more anti princess than I was pink, but finally had to give in a little.)
She loves bunnies, and monkeys.
Her favorite foods are: grapes "gapes", strawberries "stuh barries", broccoli "boky", fishy crackers, milk (especially when something goes wrong, she needs a glass of milk), cereal, and of course chocolate, but she doesn't get much of that.
She loves things that move, light up, and do something. She is also likes to be moving and doing something. ALL the time. And I love it when she lights up over something. She is just barely learning how to sit through one whole book when we read to her. Someday we'll actually get to the whole 20 minute read to your child thing "that you are suppose to do".
She likes playing in water, bubbles, and dirt - see she is not all princess, but she is all girl for sure.
I love it when she gets mad or embarrassed and squints her eyes. Her whole face shape changes. I love all her face expressions, but this one melts my heart every time. I also love how when she really wants something she yells "YES!" with the most enthusiasm and hugest smile ever!
She loves pink.
I love how forgiving she is, how she loves animals and babies, and chocolate, and even pink.
Her hugs are the best. Her kisses with an out-turned-way-to-much lower lip are great too.
She is always good at saying "no, thank you" and "bless you" and "thank you" and "your welcome" . We are still working on "please", but it is coming we just have to promt her every time. My favorite saying of hers though is when we are eating she'll ask, "Is good, Mommy?" I'll reply yes, and then ask her if she likes her meal or if it is good, and she'll tilt her head and nod.
I love her to bits and bits. She will always be my sugary ladybug.
We are finally having a spring day here in Logan. I decided that going outside and letting Helen explore her artistic ability with sidewalk chalk would also be a great opportunity for me to read in the slightly warm sunshine.
After a few minutes, our conversation went something like this:
"Scared? Of what sweetie?"
"Sneeze." - as she points over to the corner of our patio.
"Oh, Sweetpea, that is just a worm. He won't hurt you."
"It's dead. He won't get you."
"Scared. Get you." (she gets pronouns mixed up)
"Honey, it's a worm, not a snake."
"No snake. Scared. Sneeze."
"It's dead. Just draw somewhere else."
At this point I showed her there was nothing to be afraid of and moved the one large one that was still half alive and slightly moving up onto the lawn.
Then we repeated the conversation about 20 times in some variation or another about all the other worms who just didn't make it through the snow storms. (There weren't that many.)
We've never her told her to be afraid of bugs or anything else for that matter - goodness her room is decorated in bugs and we watch "A Bug's Life" at least once a week. And she kept insisting it wasn't a snake, but a sneeze. I did get her to say worm a couple of times, but always said sneeze right afterward. Granted some her real sneezes in the last couple of weeks have looked like green worms coming out of her nose, but I don't think she would grasp that correlation.
Finally we opted to come inside and watch Elmo instead. Need to find those Seasame street shows with the worm... and sweep before we go outside to play again.
I did convince her to go back out and take a picture with the drawings she did do.
A confession to make - I have never felt weary or leery about getting older. It just never bothered me - until the past few months. It wasn't so much that I am getting older or that the big 30 is approaching so suddenly, but more of the fact that I felt old. Granted the tired, exhausted feeling probably has more to do with being pregnant, and throwing up, and not exercising while caring for a two-year old. A few months of that will wear anyone down. But I started to feel old, worst of all I didn't feel like me in even more ways. My lovely long hair, while beautiful - just wasn't me. It took too much time to wash and brush out, and it just wasn't the me I knew deep down. So I chopped it. I ended up having about 9 inches taken off and it cut into an A-line style, something I have never tried. It feels so much more like me. I love it. I do have to relearn how to use a curling iron, but it is like riding a bike and coming quickly. Here are some pictures - enjoy! (Sorry they are kind of blury, I had to take them on timer since Jake was still in California at the time. I'll get more later.)
A new hair cut and feeling mostly better has made me feel more like me, and has also helped with my confidence. I believe it is hard to have confidence in yourself, if you don't feel like yourself. And, wow, pregnancy can do that. Yesterday was the deadline for an application to a Master's program at USU. This program would be super for me because all of my internship credits count and I could have a degree in 3 classes - yes, only 15 credits, and a thesis. It is not quite what I want a Master's degree in, but it is an opportunity that is hard to beat. It not being the degree I really want weighed in on my decision not to apply, but in complete truth the biggest factor was my confidence. I was scared to write the application letter. I feel I have lost so much of my mental/scholarly know-how in the last few years, I had no idea how to even start an application letter, write papers for classes, let alone write and defend a thesis. I felt there was no way possible. (+ p.s. I am having a baby in Sept - not really conducive for going to grad school).
So I didn't apply. I think I disappointed a lot of people in my decision. Deep down I really want to do it, but I need to work on who I am for another year (and beef up my communication skills so at least I don't feel like I talk on the level of a 2 year old all the time). I have one more chance next year before I can't use my internship credits. This is my goal. Next year at this time, I hope to have submitted my my application to grad school.
Life is full of changes, and I usually accept them well. I just don't like coming to a point in the journey to realize, or at least feel like, I have regressed in my growth. At least I have a new "map" and goal in mind with some directions to get me to my destination.